I remember that, even from an early age, I thought that astrology was a steaming pile of bullshit. I mean while I appreciated reading fantasy novels and the concept of the arcane art of reading stars, and by applying mythology and a dash of magic, one could distil some image of your character, or divine your future fate; the idea that this could be translated into real life never really sat with me. Perhaps I’ve always had a scientific side that somehow manages to couple brilliantly with my fantastical imagination, but I’ve eventually come to realise that if it’s not explained to me exactly how a thing works, then it probably doesn’t actually work.
However this worldview proves a little problematic when trying online dating. Apart from the initial panic of having to create one tiny page that has to perfectly encapsulate your life, who you are, and what you are not; the entire idea of selling yourself in a limited number of characters seems far too much like prostitution. Or a CV. Not to mention the very concept of going onto an invisible web of people and attempting to find a person is quite bizarre. There is an element of bullet biting, a dash of pride swallowing, and a handful of getting the fuck on with it, but eventually there you are – all ready for the wide world (or whatever distance parameters you’ve managed to set) to find you and poke at you until you roll over and realise you’ve had enough.
But this isn’t some agony aunt blog about “how do I find Mr Right in a sea of Weird?”. We all know the earth is populated by strange and unusual creatures who seep into every group and club you might think to join. I could go on for years about avoiding the crazies, deflecting the sleaze, and turning down the overly eager; but what really thrills me – what makes me sit up and take more than my usual ginned up notice of the planet is the fact that so many of us are so very, very alike.
My margins are small. Please be someone who: loves (or can tolerate) geekery, vaguely appreciates my face (and vice versa), and frowns not upon my drinking like a fish. Few needs, but they weed out much of the competition. What has astonished me to the max is that the slew of people who slide into this slot are so varied, but also how similar I feel with so many assorted and different souls. The variety of people I am able to co-exist with is so monumentally vast, despite my rather acute dislikes and severe personality parameters, that I feel a) a thrill at my eventual choice of life mate b) hope for general happiness and – ok let’s just pretend that this last one is the most important and that the last two haven’t already blown my mind – c) my kinship with humanity.
And while I can already hear you anti-hippies vomiting in the background, I invite all of you who remain yet unrepulsed to share in my joy that we are indeed all, vaguely, one. Or kind of, at least. While star signs and palm reading may light the way to some, I find the idea that we’re all essentially similar and searching for the same, to be one of the most comforting constants to cling to. Strangers adrift a floating rock who manage to find happiness (lasting or not) with each other and spur each other on to further heights of euphoria.
Perhaps that’s the case. Perhaps its all a waste. But hey, at least I’m having fun crafting the perfect opening sentence for my grindr profile.