Scattered Showers With A Chance Of Apocalyptic Flooding

_50265949_uk_snow_dundeeuni Here in Britain we’re used to the weather being about as faithful as Taylor Swift’s boyfriends. It’s up and down every which way all the time and that is why we Brits, when stuck for other meaningless conversation, find it perfectly natural to witter about the weather. This is a cultural phenomenon you couldn’t really see evolving from north African nomads in the Sahara as their conversations would be painfully short: “Hot isn’t it?” “Yes. And this will not change. Ever.”

Despite British weather being as changeable as is meteorologically possible, we still act surprised when we end up soaked in July with our BBQs being rained off as simply a matter of national happenstance. Surely we’d all be used to it by now? I always get confused when I see an old granny complaining about the weather. Surely, love, you’ve had more unexpected downpours than I’ve had hot dinners and if anything, not being suddenly soaked would be more surprising?

Yet the one season that really gets our collective goat is winter. Winter can bugger off back to Santa’s armpit for all we care. We were enjoying the fuggy damp of autumn – at least that was incrementally warmer by a quarter of a degree. Of course the winter chill can be quite effectively combated by an age old ritual called Putting More Clothes On but ain’t nobody got time for that.

What really confuzzles me however is why people watch the weather forecast. I don’t mean watch it like it’s on after the news and you sit through it because there’s no point turning over before Doctor Who starts in case you miss something, I get that totally. I’m talking about those people who would actively change channels or shush people because they want to hear what the weather is supposed to be tomorrow. This is madness in this country.

Sure, the science chaps have been working incredibly hard to be more and more accurate but let’s face it, the Weather Forecast should be now renamed The Weather Best Guess We Could Do But Don’t Bet Your House On It.

Better still, to know if it’s raining or not, look out the sodding window.

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