My Country ‘Tis Of Thee, Sweet Land Of Mediocrity

For those of you who have been hiding under a rock and so have missed the random craziness that seems to be possessing most of the population, the World Cup is here.
Though why they call it the World CUP is quite a mystery when you think about it. There is no cup. There’s a trophy, but it’s most certainly not a cup. Neither is it vaguely cup shaped. Nor is there any part of it that could hold even a mouthful of liquid for you to drink out of should you feel that way inclined.
This, my dear ladies and gentlemen, is a scam.

All that aside, one thing that really annoys me when such a tournament is on (apart from all the darn football of course) is the way in which people in England suddenly think that we have a chance at winning.

Really? Do you honestly think that England are the best football team in the world? Of course not. Not by a long shot. Even I, with my passionate distaste for football, know that this is not a debatable matter, we’re just not. that. good.

So how is it then, with this fact in mind, that people think that England can win the World Cup? Surely the prerequisite for winning is that your team is the best in the world? With England so definitively disqualified from this matter, I think it very fair to say that we have less than a snowball’s chance in hell on a particularly hot day.

Don’t believe me? Not quite sure you follow my logic? Let’s review the facts:

England 1 – 1 USA
England 0 – 0 Algeria

I rest my case.



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