110%

Any of you remember my old style rants? Well here’s one for you right now.

You know what phrase has been tossed around a lot lately? Well, yes of course you do, it’s the title. I hate, nay – detest immensely, when people talk about giving 110% or even 200% or anything above 100%.

For goodness’ sake, percent means out of one hundred so any number in excess of one hundred is immediately the multiplier of how stupid you are on my retard-o-meter. Yes people, I have an internal retard-o-meter on which I rate idiots who cross my path. Don’t worry, you’re probably not on there. Probably.

Why is it that 100% has suddenly become inadequate? I was struggling to manage 100% and now I have to provide an impossible and ethereal extra 10%? Maybe that’s how they grade arts essays at university and explains why none of us is able to get above 68 on our assignments even though we work our asses off. If we gave 110% they’d cross the magical 70 boundary surely?

How do people propose to give this extra 10%? Create a clone or disrupt the space-time continuum and go back in time to make a double team it so that it’s a combined effort? Re-write the laws of mathematics so that percent actually means out of one hundred and ten or whatever arbitrary number they want to deliver?

It’s almost as bad as people rating things out of ten but then giving a number above ten. If you’re going to say it’s an 11, give it out of 11! The people most guilty of this cardinal sin are all to often found on video interviews done outside cinemas. You know the type, some kind interviewer asks the people coming out what they thought of the film and the answer is always ridiculously inflated. Ok, it’s annoying enough when everybody’s giving nines and tens out of ten but then comes along some yuppy, squinty eyed bozo who is so enamoured with the visual feast he has just been presented with that he forgets his basic arithmetic. I always want the interviewer to turn round and say something like this:

"No sir, twelve out of ten is not a valid rating. Go home and stay there, removed from society until you learn how to count. I mean ok, give it ten if you really feel the urge but I’m looking at you and I’m increasingly untrusting and not just a little disturbed by your urges so please stop drooling and take a step back. I mean honestly, it had Nicolas Cage and Jennifer Anniston in. Nobody believes you if you give it more than a very unsure five out of ten."

Booyah.

P.S.V.
I can hardly contain my excitement for the continuation of the first season of Glee which is back on April 13th. I’m loving this little TV spot of Sue Sylvester’s tirade about ‘sneaky gays’. Hey, even if you hate Glee, you’re going to love this:

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